The Clutter Guru (written 7/5/15)

In the Sunday paper was an article devoted to the current trend of “decluttering”, a phenomenon complete with its own reality-TV shows, “40 Bags in 40 Days” social media challenge, self-help books, etc. A “pioneering” study by the University of California at Los Angeles in 2001-2005 identified the extent of the clutter crisis our families are facing right now. Darby Saxbe, assistant professor at USC, observed, “They (the long-suffering families in the study) were surrounded by stuff to the point where it seemed emotionally and physically stressful and taxing for them.”

It was clear that we have found the enemy, and he is us. What was reassuring was the living proof in this article of the selfless heroism of psychologists, authors, and TV producers in addressing this growing national epidemic.

Not surprisingly, the Japanese have this all figured out and have raised the discipline of cleaning-up-after-yourself to a meditative art. “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up” is shooting up the non-fiction bestseller lists like a squirt of furniture cleaner. According to author Marie Kondo, every object should have its place and is to be returned to it religiously after it is used. She modestly calls her technique KonMari, which, in true trending fashion, is to be used as either a noun or a verb, as in, “You really konmari’d the shit out of that closet last night.” Such immodesty from a would-be guru from the Far East bothered me. Just as the spiritualization of the martial arts in the sixteenth century transformed the discipline of sword-fighting, kenjutsu, into  the more mystical “the way of the sword”, or ken-do, I naturally thought that this particular path to Nirvana by Cleaning Up Your Crap would be more properly termed “Sutemasu-do”, or The Way of Discarding.

I was seized with visions of self-help groups of poor clutter addicts sharing coffee and angst on Tuesday nights, testifying about this other kind of junk addiction and coming clean. Surprise interventions in your garage to go through your stuff and get medieval on it.  Only In America, naturally.

Jamie Gutfreund, the chief marketing officer of the digital marketing agency Deep Focus, claims, “The whole Marie Kondo thing has changed my life … I feel so much better. I used to lose my glasses every day. The whole thing is, you have to respect your items, and you have to put them in the places where they’re supposed to go.”

Don’t get me wrong. I’m genuinely happy that Mr. Gutfreund can find his glasses more reliably. I guess I’m supposed to feel abashed that I have half a basement cluttered with PA and band gear, and a desk junked up with myriad books, notes, and random thoughts on scraps of paper, all arranged like a meditative Japanese Rock Garden From Hell.  But I just don’t give a shit. I refuse to give the illusion of order and arrangement more importance than it deserves.

I’ll just leave you with a quote from the irrepressible Ms. Kondo:

“I (now) have time to experience bliss in my quiet space, where even the air feels fresh and clean; time to sit an sip herbal tea while I reflect on my day … although not large, the space I live in is graced with only those things that speak to my heart.  My lifestyle brings me joy.”

There can be no higher calling.